Dont worry i dont speak like them - they speak like me ....

     If your from Bristol then most of  this will seem familiar to you

 1) You think that the people that apear with cardboard signs opposite the hippodrome to get you to honk your car horn should give it up.

2) You find people seem to know where you’re from even though you swear you don’t have an accent.

3) People seem to know where you’re from even when they have never been there.

4) You used to hang out on ‘The Green’.

5) You’re proud that you come from the same place as Banksy and Derren Brown.

6) You have seen/put washing powder in the central fountains.

7) You have sheltered under the Hippodrome entrance from the rain, and thus have been forced to listen to some crappy musical music.
You hate the grey urinals that apear at night, and then find a wall to save embarrasing yourself by using one.

9) You don’t remember what the new name of the pub next door to the Hippodrome is. Either side.

10) You can never get a seat in The Apple.

11) You can never get a seat in the Old Duke.

12) You have got inbetween the wall fountains behind @ Bristol because you thought it would be clever, then got soaked trying to get out.

13) You have never seen an Imax film, yet always mean to.

14) You wonder what the hell everyone is wearing.

15) You think Cabot Tower is actually bloody high. 

16) You remember when Propoganda was at Panache.

17) You remember when Propoganda was at Level!

18) You walk towards Broadmead and you start to see Chavs fuckin everywhere.

19) You become more alert when walking through St. Pauls, or just avoid it completely. Unless you live there, and it is not actually that bad.

20) You can’t be arsed walking up Park Street and get a bus.

21) The bus never comes and you decide to walk anyway.

22) The bus goes past when you’re halfway up.

23) You have seen a cone on the head of every statue.

24) You think the door guy stood outside the Marriot looks like a twat.

25) You have bought a wire model off the guy that stays outside the Llandogger Trow.

26) You have met ‘Bear’ the busking poet (tramp). He has over 10,000 poems memorised, think of a number between 1 and 10,00, and he will recite that poem. No lies.

27) You leave for a while and come back and you find out what Bristol really smells like.

28) You get every reference to the City in the “Vikki Pollard” sketches in Little Britain.

29) You stay the fuck away from the bear pit at night.

30) You have walked up the water steps when pissed.

31) You have had a Downs party at the Seven Sisters.

32) You know that really Propoganda and Ramshackle are the same thing.

33) You go to both anyway.

34) You can’t watch an episode of Skins without yelling “for fucks sake” at the TV for the random connections between two places, i.e. Walking across College Green to get to Filton College.

35) You have played frisbee/football/sleeping near the water tower on the downs.

36) You have no idea which entrance you’re supposed to use for the Zoo.

37) You have got lost on the way there.

38) The Corrie Tap is fuckin small. But worth it.

39) You can’t park. Anywhere.

40) Your landmarks for meeting people are, ”The fountains”, ”The sails”, ”Christmas Steps” (ending up at the wrong end), and ”@bristol”.

41) You think @Bristol is wank. And expensive.

42) If you have to walk over College Green to get to work, you hate skaters.

43) You try not to make eye-contact with big issue sellers.

44) You have to avoid people with a clipboard, an ”I’de love to be your friend” smile and a big charity sticker at least once a week.

45) You have heard or said the phrase, ”I think i smell weed…”

46) You went to BCS, BGS, UWE, Clifton High, Redland High, University of Bristol, Cotham, Monks Park School, Fairfield, Badminton, Clifton College, Redmaids, QEH, Redcliffe, Henbury or City Of Bristol College.

47) You are SURE the flowers around college green appear by magic.

48) You know that Broadmead shopping center will never called ‘The Mall’ by anyone.

49) You thought Cabot Circus would be shit.

50) You say ‘Wanker road’ instead of ‘Anchor Road’.

51) You like, have probably been to the balloon fiesta.

52) You know someone or someone who knows someone that has been an extra on skins… and you really couldn’t care less when they say “Did you see me on SKINS?” or “Oh that time when i was on SKINS… or ” OMG my best friends, cousin’s, auntie’s, uncles, daughter’s, best friend used to go to school with Maxxie from SKINS” (YAWN)

53) You have cut through Debenhams just to use the bus stop on either side… or up the lift in the car park to save you walking up the hill on Park Street.

54) You have been to some sorta rave at clockwork or lakota etc , come out at 6ish walk (of shame) ed up to the 24hr to buy alcohol and ended up at some randoms party around Glouster Road… admiring graffiti the whole way there.

55) You moaned like crazy when you heard props was moving from panache to the syndicate… but still went and then after a few weeks actually really enjoyed it and secretly thought it was better.

56) You see Justin Lee Collins just wandering around.

57) You have to put up with non Bristolians asking where you parked your tractor!

58) You know who Big Jeff is!

59) You have seen Kid Carpet live, and you know roughly where he lives.

60) You have seen/met/been scared by Saphire, the tall jamaican guy with dreadlocks who cross-dresses on gloucester road.

61) When getting off the bus only two words exist… “Cheers drive!”

62) You hate hate hate the fact that Bath is on the weather map and not Bristol.

63) You have never seen the Clifton Suspension Bridge to have a full set of working lights.

64) You got really excited thinking there was a circus/fair on the Downs and then found out it was the Bristol Flower Show.

65) You dont like people from the other side of the river.

66) You have tried to sneak into Ashton Court Festival for free. (Or at least thought about it).

67) You remember when Ashton Court Festival was free. The buggers.

68) You used the Clifton rock slide as a kid.

69) You have met/seen/been scared by the wedding dress lady who is self proclaimed to be married to Jesus.

70) You used to see an ambulance parked somewhere random around town and you knew that Casualty was being filmed. (Now filmed in Cardiff)

71) You have seen Will Mellor out and about around the waterfront.

72) You lock your bike up somewhere “safe” but keep peeping at it from a distance just to make sure it’s still there.

73) You know the Shrek ear bridge, and have walked past the box drummer tramp… who drums on boxes… with sticks.

74) You have seen the lady dog walker in Clifton with crazy amounts of poodles.

75) You have drivein around Portland Square, giving abuse to prostitutes, or not abuse, depending on which way you roll.

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