Can’t believe that I’m on a yacht for the next few days sailing around the maldives there are only 9 of us on the yacht and its gorgeous

I’ve swam with manta rays and turtles and seen baby black tip reef sharks
Took loads of photos and videos underwater
Its almost lunch time.so off to see what the chefs made for all of us before heading off to a deserted island for the afternoon
See you all soon

Well left thailand yesterday and on to the next part of my holiday to the maldives
Its only a 4 hour flight from bangkok and when I arrived I could not belive how perfect it is
My friend getting married out here so couldn’t wait to meet up with her and the rest of my friends who came to share this special moment plus sunshine snorkling and amazing food
I have the most amazing room got upgraded and have a water villa on the water
Shit myself when I saw baby sharks swim past but have bben assured they don’t bite
Presently sunbathing naked on my private deck overlooking the indian ocean
Totally amazing

Agh I can’t belive how stupid I am being drunk last night I managed to erase all my lovely holiday pics from my new camera

I bought 3 cameras with me on holiday just in case I break or lose one whic I frequently do. I bought a new cannon d10 powershot which is a really good underwater camera after spending ages reasearching good but cheapish underwater cameras and this particular one seemed to fit the.bill its pretty good as well
Stupidly I didn’t read the instructions and was pissing about with it yesterday and reformated the sd card so wiped all my pics
So pissed off as I had some good ones on there

So Its 4am and I can’t sleep don’t think its jetlag cos been here since friday and it now tuesday but have had a few lovely days in pattaya
Been to the gun range and did target practic with a 22 and and 45 magum gun and boy dose my arm hurt
been shopping and had some new dresses made up and mainly been sunbathing on the beaches

My plan was to go to coral island tomorrow but cos I can’t bloody sleep I probably won’t cos I will be knackered
Been running every day along the seafront in pattaya which is brill cos no hills I like running but can’t do hills
So I’m lead in bed missing my dogs but at least its warm hear 32 degrees I thinl I will have a bath and then maybe go for my run around 6am if I’m still awake

Well I’m almost on my way have put my doggies in kennals (and they are such traitors as they didn’t even seem sad that I was leaving them they just wagged there tails and ran off). so much for mans best friend and all that crap I’m gonna feed them on pedigree chum when they come home instead of the extortionate expensive posh pet food that they have at the moment that will teach them to be so disloyal to me I mean they get kibble and fresh beef and chicken and lamb even bloody sardines and eggs and they were as happy as pigs in shit when I left them today

Anyway this time tomorrow I will be in in bangkok heading down to pattaya for a wild few days

Keep you all posted xxxparis

its just my look  i have had a really nice chilled out xmas and then a brilliant week in Belfast working from a very swanky hotel and came home for a few days then was planning my trip to jersey but  sadly gale force winds and shitty weather cancelled my flight so sadly i wont be arriving in  Jersey this time 

so im spending the week at home untill i bugger of on my holiday next week i cant wait 4 weeks of bliss and paradise islands  in january cant be beaten

Tours for this year will include my long planed  for  Sweden and Norway again and also Scotland  York & Leeds Inverness Belfast and Dublin  and the Isle O f  Man again

Happy New Year

love and kisses Paris

Well after a two hour drive and five  hours  of standing,  not going to the toilet,  or no food or drink either ,   I got the best spot in the lg arena right at the front  with only one person  in front of me ( and she was only 9 years old) 

Rhianna was amazing,  Just as good if not better when  i saw her last year when i went to see the Black Eye Peas in Birmingham

Over  16,000 people all screaming and shouting  and trying to sing and dance  to  her hits such as ,  Whats my name , live my life , umbrella , only girl in the world, rehab, run this town, rude boy, s& m  sos  unfaithful  and loads loads more  totally brilliant  night

With Calvin Harris opening for her -  playing loads of  amazing songs  the crowd was kicking jumping  and had a totally amazing atmosphere all night long    

Having done Glastonbury  in the past,    I  will never go again unless they build a luxury hotel in the field, i wont be returning    To muddy to dirty and to wet and expensive and overated

But Rihanna  was brilliant  and worht the dead legs aching back  bursting bladder and long drive home      

the view from our room in egypt

the ice bar in soho square sharm el sheik

last month i took my neice to egypt, we stayed near sharks bay ( no sharks thankfull) but lots of gorgeous weather of around 45 degrees 

hotel was fab,  right on the beach, food was great  and shopping in namma bay is always a good laugh so everthing was going great untill my neice saw poster for Peter Andre In soho square which was basically 100 yards from our hotel

she wanted to go and see him i said no

she moaned she wanted to go and see him

I said  maybeeee ( in the next century)

She said she really really really wants to go and see him

i tried to bribe her with  fake ghd ( 20 quid) that she had seen . fake handbags, and a trip to the ice bar

she still said no she really wanted to see peter andre

so i agreed under the conditions that i didnt have to reallyt watch and listen  i mean how hard can it be he only has two songs so it wont be long

oh no Mr Andre did cover version after cover version of every song i could imagine

3 hours of him my neice and everyone else singing along apart from me who had my head buried in my kindle

im still traumatised  and embarrassed that i sat through a peter andre event , even now

my last trip to the channel islands went a bit tits up for want of a better word

i had a great time in both Jersey and  Gurnesy the weather was perfect for all 10 days that i was there so much that i extended my trip by another 4 days

However problems began when i was leaving Gurnsey  i booked my flight with blue island to travel from Gurnsey to Bristol however when i got to the airport fog had basically stopped all fligths in and out of the airport

no probs i thought  i have been delayed in the past  and the airlines always look after you

oh no , blue island are based in the channel island which are outside of the eu which means they dont have to do bugger all -  they just offer you the next flight availible ( theyu dont even have to give you a refund)   

so it was with great frustration that even though by 5pm the airport had started letting flights in and out of Gurnsey airport   blue island was simply not flying and when i rang them to ask them what i was supposed to do being stuck on on island withouth  a hotel  it was basically tough shit

even more frustration was that the couple in front of me had booked with flybe and were being collected from the airport, taken to the bloody hotel that i had just left , being given evening meal and breakfast and then put on the next flight in the afternoon at 2pm

me however had to stump up 200 quid to get the flybe  flight to exeter and then get a train back home

i did manage to get my money back but never ever again i thought ryan air was bad but this lot are pisstakers

in fact im wondering why dear old michale oleary of ryan air hasnt moved his base to the channel islands or even the isle of man that way he wouldnt have to have paid out millions in the ash cloud

im in one right as im on tour   and i can here the guy next door  chatting on the phone  asking for a ironing board and iron so that he can iron his shirts
i can even hear that he is watching harry potter ( must  be on his laptop cos its not on tv)   and that his name is David  and he is from  Swansea and that his girlfriend is a doctor   

( not that im nosy or anything  )   

I spent a few day in the isle of man recently , stupidly i thought it would be like the channel islands sunny and bright and warm  So i took flip flops and crop  jeans and t-shirts  –  Ffuck it was just like Belfast wet windy and bloody cold  i froze to death in my stupid one and only sweater, But i did have an amazing few of the sea from my window   

But i did see the fairy bridge and made a wish ( that it would get a bit warmer)  and made a note to myself that just cos a place is a tax haven dont mean that its going to sunny and warm

VOMIT COMET

,its been a mad few months  touring  i have been to leeds york chester  glasgow birmingham, isle of man , jersey and guernsy and cardiff and a few days at home in Bristol just to round it off

it such a shame i dont get air mile but fly be ryan air and easy jet dont exactly give away airmiles

So im presently in the sunny islands of Jersey which is fab, 26 degrees today and im sat outside enjoying the sunshine before heading off to Guernsey before  going home

   If you havnt ever managed to get to the chanel islands then you are missing out on a beautifull place for a break  it  under a hour flight from the uk and  its a mixture of the old style of both  french and english traditions with small little lanes full of shops resturants and cafe and bars plus sunshine as its so close to france the weather is really really good

last time i went i flew from jersey to gurensy as  my friend Chole http://ebonyescort.co/home/     told me to  do ,  the cow i think she wanted to get rid of me or something ,  I  thought it would be a plane  you know one with big  engines  fuck  and a crew WTF  I almost fainted as i walked out to board it was i 16 seater ( i think)  known as a tri islander but whatever  its called i almost died there and then on the tarmac,   there are only two seats each behind each other and you can see everything the captain is doing ( reading the newspaper and doing his crossword)

you can see your luggage at the back and you can feel everthing every little bump jump creak and bloody chink,     its horrible i have never felt so scared in my life its literally like being on a nasty rollercoaster except 100 times worse  i think its known locally as a vomit comit which i cant totally agree  with i spent 15 mins with my eyes closed holding on to the seatbelt in terror  its a crop sprayer  but apparrently it has the best of all  safety records but i dont care next time im going by boat  

 i didnt see the spectacular views and the gorgeous coastline below  nope i just keptmy eyes shut and prayed to land in one piece 

never ever again

so dont miss me this week in cardiff  next week in Glasgow then dundee and inverness and finally belfast  

 i cant wait  there is the best  bagel place in central station that sells amazing bagels so i wont have to live on salads and eggs and noodles  we dont have anything like that in bristol and i love bagels and so it s the highlight of my tours going to glasgow and getting my bagels

see you all soon

what i really hate the most about touring though and staying in hotels is that you cant cook 

my pet hate is paying 10 + room service charge for an omelette that you know only cost around a pound to make  i mean 6 eggs is what 1.50 i refuse to pay these price in fact  i actually make a game to see what i can find is the most expensive so far i have seen 10 tray service charge  and 19 for a burger and chips  or rather  gourmet burger and french fries if we want to be posh   

so i tend to live on subway salads  and fruit  and nandos chicken if i want a hot meal  So imagine my delight when reading on another forums one lady said that she boiled eggs in the kettle and snacked on them when she was hungry

and she got noodles and put them in a cup coverecd them with boiling water drained it and bingo noodle to go 

i have to admit i did think it wouldnt work but  it work it did  you can boil six eggs in a standard hotel kettle and the eggs came out perfect  ( i now have constant farts but at least i didnt pay 10 quid for  omelette 

i working on how to cook bacon but if anyone has any other suggestions on how  or what you can cook in a hotel room with just a kettle please  let me know

xxx Paris

so for the past few days i have been visiting the northwest  visting Chester which i love cos it so full of character   York which is totally  gorgeous city    Leeds   has  Harvey Nicks  and lots of hen parties  what more can i ask for

on my recent trip to  York though there was  a bloody fire in the hotel so the bloody fire alam went off in the hotel  can you belive it  it started going off and i thought  it was a test alarm

then after a few minutes i poked my head round the door to see the fire  doors were all shut and people were leaving their rooms

shit it really is a fire and im on the  4th floor and what do they always say  leave all your bags and valuable and leave immediatly  

fuck that i have 3 work phone, a lap top,  a kindle  all my work clothes thigh high boots and pvc along with bed ties and restraints and strap ons  so there i am the fire alarm  going off and im trying to shove my essentials bits and bobs into two bags 

when i finally get leave my room and get outside with the other guest  some who had been dragged out of the swimming pool all wet and now freezing cold to the arrival of no less than 4 fire engines 

it turns out that someone had been smoking and chucked the ciggie in the bin which set alight ,so set off the alarm  fucking stupid cow  she smokes i lose a booking and spend an hour freezing outside  in the end myself and 2 other guest head up to the local pub for a pint or was it 2 cant remember now 

but what i can remember is someone telling me that every time the fire brigade get sent out on a false alarm its around 500 -700 a unit 

i would hate to have that ladies room service bill  i wonder what fire engine cost as room service  although the firemen were hunky and i would have done room service with them anyday

I have been travelling by train a lot recently  and i cant belive the prices  98 pounds for a one way tick from leeds to cardiff   98 f…….. pounds  and your not even definalty got a bloody seat  so potentially  98 quid to stand 

stupidly i thought i got  bargain for 46 pounds  sadly after i paid for it on line i realised that it was for a child ticket   no way was i gonna pass for under 16 no mater how much anti ageing cream i use

A huge huge sorry for those that i dissapointed on my cancelled tour to london it was unavoidable but i will make it up to you when i return shortly

 i am in southampton on friday and saturday and my availbility there is quickly going so please book to avoid being dissapointed i looking forward to going to southampton as its somewhere i havnt been to before  

and lots  of kisses to those of you in my favorite place the next week the lovely Channel islands im really looking forward to sunshine the beach and some good sex please  not neccesarily in that order but im happy to compromise

I have been busy planning a trip  up North as well with visits planned to cover Chester Manchester Leeds &  York and maybe the isle of man in late  June and  having not been to any of these cities apart from Manchester airport im really looking forward to hitting the shops and the bars for some serious shopping  as well

there are so many place that i want to visit im strugling to fit them all in  but i will keep you all posted

i will be back to scotland in july as well as belfast so dont miss me

i cant wait  my next tour is to Oslo and im really excited  i have never visited norway before i wanted to go in febuary untill i realised how bloody cold it is  – 15  so as i hate cold weather i can just about stomach the cold weather in inverness i thought it  was prudent to wait until it had warmed up a bit

apparently a happy meal from mds is like 7pounds so i think i will probably starve to death  or take pot noodles with me not that i even like happy meals but 7 pounds for 4 chicken nuggest and some chips it well it makes dublin look cheap  and i read somewhere that the street and some pavements are heated can you belive that heated pavements i will walk around bare foot  but most of  all  i cant wait to get my hands on some hunky norwegian men to keep me warm

but from norway its back  to london for 3 days for some shopping and sex ( lots of it i  hope ) then down to southampton to cheer up you  lucky guys for 2 nights then off to the lovely warm sunny channel island for the week  where intend to do some serious sunbathing

so dont miss me give me a call to book im sure im somewhere nearby

ok after my laptop has died i toyed with the idea of getting a ipad 2 they are sleek and sexy and its seem to be pretty good as well its the one monthy waiting list that puts me off

but anyway why can apple make a ipad especially for women  ie it will fit in there handbag   my kindle ereader is perfect fits in my handbag and i can take it anywhere so why cant apple who are in my humble opinion  the best desginers out there when it come to style for technology do one just for women  if the  ipad was just a bit smaller i would have bought one ages ago it just that it to bloody big to put in my handbag

well i dropped my laptop last week and it chipped but it was ok then when i got home it stopped working so i though it was broke so was thinking i will have to buy a new one  but then i reaslied that i was a dodgy plug that i had it plugged into so i was happy that i didnt have to buy one

fastfoward one day later im using my laptop and i open a bottle of cheery coke which proceed to fizz up everywhere and all over my laptop and that it its finally met it watery grave

having been half way around the world to die of death by fizzy coke is a bit sad but that life

why cant someone make a waterproof or even splash proof laptop for idiots like me  

i