So i have just finnished my week long tour of the sunny channel islands and freezing inverness both are lovely places but its going from one extreme to the other from glourious sunshine to cold and wet weather
Inverness was so cold i even wore my socks to bed something i havnt done since i was s little kid
but i had a great time and now its time for my next trip which is to Cardiff this week for the Ryder cup
So for all you Golf fans who are heading this way dont forget me i can be your 19th Hole after the game is finnished
if you need refreshing cheering up or just some me time them you know what you need to do just call 07506 400 676 and then relax for the ultimate hole in one

i dont think i have ever slept so much in my life . After arriving back home on monday after my holiday i went straigh to bed and slept from 11am till 6pm monday then on then back to bed at midnight and slept till 6pm tuesday the following day and then bed again on tuesday and slept till 4pm wednesday and i still felt tired so off to bed again on wednesday and slept till 10am thursday and its only now that i feel human
oh well of to bed again now so that im up bright an early on friday

Thats it guys im away now untill the end of the September

I will be back in Bristol 16th & 17th September for just the two days and then visting the Channel Islands and Inverness so please give me a call if you want to see me
I will also be in Cardiff City Center on the 30th September for a few nights when the Ryder Cup on so if you want to get a hole in one give me a call
After that i will be back home to Bristol on Mon 4th October for the rest of October and returning to Ireland for most of November and December with return visit to Bristol in between

Guys Im finally comimg over the Bridge to Wales for the weekend. So if your bored horny and stressed or just a normal bloke who wants some fun and games thenb give me a call to book I will be in Cardiff from 4 pm on Friday and from 10am till late on Saturday
I will have lots of toys for me and you and naughty uniforms as well

Love and Kisses Paris

Well after several months of touring and whoring and having a brilliant time In Ireland and the Channel Islands and other places in the uk . I am finally back home to Bristol and the Southwest at last. Each time i plan to come back home somewhere else beckons me and i just dont manage to get home to Bristol to be availble

I started touring last July begining with london and then ventured further afield to Ireland and have been touring more or less ever since mainly to Ireland but with a few amazing trips to the channel island as well
I have met some fabulous people from touring and been to some lovely places as well i have been to Ireland so much i think im going to take up residency or start talking with an Irish accent

Like lots of other got stuck with the infamous ash cloud twice and had to spend an extra week in Ireland finnally getting home on the Cork Swansea ferry and got stuck in Gurnsey when its happend again and once again coming home on the ferry
I have become and expert at getting cheap flights with ryan air and beating there system for charging you for fucking breathing and just being alive – i have used the train and buses in ireland going across from the north to the south which is both scary and fun i have become an expert on reading between the line of hotel and apartment reviews working out if they are suitable for touring and whoring

But the biggest surprise of touring goes to all the other escort who athough i havent met but have spoken to on the phone and via the net many time in the past year You have been total angels in a business that is often thought of as shady and immoral and wrong but i will take shady and immoral over any thing else if there are women like yourself

so a big thanks to all the ladies on

http://www.albaladies.com

http://www.escort-ireland.com/home.html

http://www.escortselina.co.uk/index.php

http://www.ebonyrenee.com/

People often say or belive that escort wont help other escort but i have never had that problem and any escort that i have asked for information has been happy to help and likewise without us willing to help each other none of us would be able to tour sucessfully and stay stafe
so im back home to Bristol and here are my dates

I WILL BE AVAILBLE ON MONDAY 26TH JULY FOR 1DAY ONLY IN BRISTOL
Then I will be availble on Friday 6th August Onwards In Bristol City Center and i will be availible until Saturday 21st August and wont be back untill September 17th for a week before a trip to scotland

I will also be visiting Cardiff during this time for a few nights probably on the weekends of the 13th so please check my website for more confirmed details

I will be touring Scotland in September Visiting Inverness Dundee Edinburgh & Glasgow and Irleand November December

i have more tours planned so if you would like me to visit an area if i get enough enquiries i will be happy to consider a tour

love hugs and kisses Paris B
OFFICIALLY A TOURING AND WHORING ESCORT

me and my roomies have devised a rather elegant way of getting extra food
the other ladies or dropping like flies and the chef is not always updated so we set an extra place on our table and get an extra plate of food ok now i know an extra bowl of porride or granola may not seem like a lot but when your starving tired and aching every little counts

So will i finish boot camp – will i manage the 20 k 1000 ft above sea level final hike or will i catch the nearest horse and ride of home
Will i get over the no soup or desert can i hide from the dreaded army stretcher
im off to bed now but i will finnish this of over the weekend

so tonight was my strop my breaking point where i wanted to go home

we always got soup before we had our evening meal always alway always got soup
tonight after a hard day i sit down expecting soup but no soup but the spoon is on the table
so maybe we are getting desert yes something sweet nice maybe apple pie ( well i can dream)
so after eating dinner i am happily awaiting my dessert dreaming of something sweet
nothing happen
So where is the sweet we had no soup i want my sweet the spoon is there where is my sweet
I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE 5 AM DOING AROUND 12 HOURS EXERCISE I WANT EITHER SOUP OR A DESSERT WHERE IS IT I HAVE A SPOON I WANT MY SOUP OR DESSERT
Our lovely chef has forgotton to do it – i mean how the fuck do you forget to make soup or dessert how can something so simple almost start a riot
you have 15 hungry women who havent had there soup thinking of evil things to do with there spoons
the staff realise that there could easliy be a mini riot and wisley get us out of the dinning room and on to our evening walk 2 hour of walking should re install normalacy they hope
but we bitch and moan so much about the soup or rather the lack of it they pacify us with half a fucking banna each
this is my moment where i burst into tears and really want to go home i feel ashamed that just a simple soup has broken my back where nothing else could

Some of us are constipated and craving caffeine luckily i stoped drinking caffeine two weeks before i went so i didnt suffer to badly but some of women were like junkies comming of crack, – headaches, stomach cramps, throwing up if anyone didnt know that we were on a boot camp we could have easily passed for a place for recovering addicts

at breakfast we are subjected to major interogation someone has come down in the middle of night and had a midnight feast on laughably the staff secret stash of chocolate muffins
Muffins soup baked beans and tortilla wraps are eaten in the middle of the night we all deny it so are punished with the strecher run

We are physically and mentally exhausted and totally mind fucked had they given us some AK 47s and told us to go off and fight in Iraq im sure that we would have happily toddled off to do some damage
its more running boxing running boxing battle pt streaching and a 3 hour hike tonight

By day 5 its our adverture day where we go gorge walking and absailing needless to say i hated the absailing i caught my hair in the clip and had to rip it out ( serious pain ) and did burst into tears it was horrible and Gorge walking i mean who the fuck invented gorge walking some sick fucker who had nothing better to do it was cold wet horrible walking for two hours in freezing cold water up to our waist slipping on the rock and having to climb up waterfalls
i just could not cope with the Gorge Walking it was wet horrible and nasty I was trying to empty my already wet and soaking trainer while sat on a rock did and got a few strange looks ( ok lots of strange looks) but i honestly felt that i was in some sort of nightmare fuge state and need the normality of what normal people do when there shoes are soaking wet ( they take them off)

By the end of day 5 though a further 4 have left the camp blisters sore feet simply not fit enough one ended up in the hospital on a drip after getting a stomach bug and could not keep any fluids down

we just head back to the camp cold wet hungry and we dont have to walk tonight thankfully and i go to bed along with my roomies at around 8pm

8pm i havent been in bed at 8pm since i was in junior school at least

so im still in hell in the middle of the breacon beacons where they train the sas maybe we will get mistaken for the taliban or something and get shot and put out of our misery

Just to let you know that this routine continues for the rest of the week with small variartions ie we get a bannana and 3 walnuts Up at 5pm and we get a lie in till 6.30pm one day its amazing what an extra hour sleep can do for you
Lots of running more battle pt more boxing more running Evening walks are getting longer and harder each night and im still not having a ice bath
the others are dropping like flies 26 of us began this hell week there are only 18 of us left after 3 days blisters homesick stomach bugs and various ailments are claiming us

they allow us some fun today and we play netball man this was crazy have you ever seen sleep deprived food deprived and mentally and physically challenged women playing netball it was a sad and incredibly competitive game swearing shouting laughing and tears was all managed in 30mins we could have knocked out michale jordon on this court

2nd day of boot camp the army stretcher hell

at various times between 5 and 5.30am our phone alarms are all going off 6 blearey eyed women myself included stagger down stairs to roll call
we are not allowed to stand still or have our hand on our hips we have to keep moving untill Staff A comes out to shout at us and do roll call
Two laidies are not there they arrive 5 mins late So we are all punnished in our groups we have to run carrying a green army medical streacher with three tyres on it up the hill to the sub station ( 2miles away) its hell there are tears and lots of swearing at the girls who are late but we do it in 25 mins which according to staff A we were lucky it was not a dying person on the streacher as he could have walked it quicker than being carried by our group
the green stretcher is our personal hell they leave then out to torture us into submission

So after streacher hell and roll coll its more exericise in the field running sprinting and streaching then its time for breakfast
we have a choice or porridge made with water or granola I chose the granola even though i have never ate it before and have no idea what it is its just looks better than porridge made with water

9AM Its exercise in the field we are doing battle pt so we are told this means in our groups we have to move a make shift cannon ( jerry cans filled with water 3 tyres a log and two smaller water cans 200 yards and reset it only thing is that we can only take one piece at a time so it lots of trips back and forth as a team carry jerry cans and the rest of the the bloody so called tank to set it up as a tank again
We do this for 1.5 hours then its boxercise for an hour this i enjoy as i imagine that im hitting staff A B & C and any other male that i can think of

Then its snack time for 30 mins we rush back eagerly to the dinning room to get given half an apple and two walnuts – how nice we are starving totally but after snack its back out for more running up the hills and the run walk run walk run walk the morning just melts into more running and walking
Its only the 2nd day and already 3 women have gone home either down to blisters and sheer exhaustion (lucky cows )

12 MIDDAY its lunch and we are starving and we are given chicken and some rice again very small portions

1 PM After lunch there more exercise running more battle pt yuck and more running ( i feel like Forrest Gump sadly life is not like a box of chocolate – cos i know what the fuck i am doing for the rest of the week runing running and running )

3PM its snack time we are given a handfull of seeds yes a handfull of hot rather tasty pumpkin seeds we are starving and they are gone within seconds

3.30PM its 2 hours of boxercise and streching exercise

We can have a ice bath now if we want ( i decline )

6PM its dinner time soup and meatballs

7 PM It our two hour evening walk up a what i call the silly cows goat trail cos only goats and silly cows like us would walk up it the staff make light work of it but we are dying and hurting and cussing but we are also bonding over blisters consitpation and sore muscles

9.30 pm in bed dying aching all over in places that i didnt even know could hurt my only solace is that we all feel the same
tired misrable and hungry to tired to even have a shower just fall into bed totally exhausted and knackered and dreading the rest of the week

First day on boot camp
its the afternoon of the first day and we are weight measured fat percentage taken then taken to meet the staff who are going to get us fit and healthy in one week

We have 3 male staff while im not naming names im going to call them staff A StaffC and Staff C
All are serving army /soldiers on leave one is a marine one is a staff sergent and the all are PTOs they know there stuff and treat us accordingly ie silly bunch of cows

We are assessed on our fitness by makeing us run and jump against the clock and put into groups ( im in the bottom group for fittness along with 10 other girls but i dont give a shit )
So our first run is up the long everlasting drivway of the farm a gradual hill to the main rd where we have to run to the end of the rd (1 mile a way ) and back again to the top of the driveway ( this is something we do every day twice a day regardless)
we do this run several times before heading backdown the driveway to dinner
dinner is soup and the smallest portion of fish and vegetables i have ever ever seen but im so hungry i just eat it

we also go for a walk that evening 4 miles of a bloody goat /sheep trail i say that cos only a bloody goat or sheep or a stupid women could get up it )

that night we are all dead and in bed like naughty little school girls ready to die we have been informed that we have to be up an out side by 0600 hours ( everything is army style)

boot camp week

Well i finnished my week at a boot camp a few weeks ago
if you have ever watched Private Benjamin with Goldie Hawn well my boot camp was Private Paris starring Paris B

why would i go on a boot camp in fact why would anyone go on a boot camp if you have watched them on tv i can say that they seriously edit it big time
They dont show people dropping like flies within the first 48 hours and blisters so huge you could fry an egg on them.
Constipation and the joys of having a number 2 ( yes whenever anyone managed a number 2 we whooped and screamed tear of happiness for that person) they dont show the ice baths the ridculous small amount of foods and the bloody flys that drive you insane

please dont ask me why i still dont understand it myself it was a mad crazy idea cos due to the amount of touring i do i wanted to get fit and thought that running would be the best thing for me but i cant run
seriously i cant run my boobs get in the way i can ride a bike a horse love walking but running is beyond me totally
so i went to boot camp to get fit or die trying

i have been suckered by my lil sister won a prize last year for a week long residential boot camp for two people so i offered to go with her
stupidly i thought as it was a prize it would be luxury accomodation you know swimming pool sauna massage ect
oh no im sadly mistaken its a boot camp in the fucking Breacon Beacons (where the SAS i belive do there final selection) no luxuries, no mobile phone no lap top and you have to arrive by public transport so you cant fucking run off after 2 days of torture
they even check your suitcases for contraband choccies and ciggies (not that i smoke ) im gonna by some mini sweet and put them you know where and hope that i dont get a full body search
Last time i did something like this i was 8 years old and it was a school camp which now (in the name of health and safety) Im sure would be closed for child abuse cos the swimming pool alone is so bloody cold and nasty Barton Camp in somerset was pure torture for a bunch of 8 year old citie kids

So guys wish me luck i will be living on next to nothing for the next week – how i will manage without my blackberry i dont know its kind of like cutting of my arm or death of some sort no internet no face book twitter punternet or escort ireland what the fuck am i going to do i cant even use my blackberry for GPS

10 -12 hours of exercise every single day Suddenly i feel an emergency 7 day 24 hour virus hitting me around 10am tomorrow

if by any chance i can use my phone i will keep you updated with the torture

love and kisse Paris

Dublin 27th June 1st July
Cork 2nd July 12th July
Dublin 12th July 16th July

Bristol 19th July for a few days
Channel Island end of July

for all you Gents in Bristol im sorry that i have not been availble recently i have been tourign and been on holiday so have not been home for a few weeks however these are my plans for the next month or so I will only be in Bristol for 3 days this month in mid june but i will be back home and avaible on the 19th July onwards sorry if this is a long time away but have been touring in Ireland and Jersey
Cork 1st June – 9th June
Dublin 10th -13th June
Bristol 3 Days Only 15th – 17th June
Dublin 27th – 30th June
Cork 1st july 12th July
Dublin 13th -15th July
Finally Back Home In Bristol 19th July Onwards

hope this helps if you are planning to see me soon

I have just returned from a weeks holiday in Greece
ok i know they are bankrupt and in a worse state than the uk and ireland but they wanted 5.5 euros for a pack of ” i cant belive its butter” come on and 4 euros for a loaf of hovis
Bankrupt at these prices they should be fucking rolling in it Even Ireland which is notoriously expensive is not as bad as this
Obviously cos the country is bankrupt and there is no money they have obvioulsy decided to rip of the tourist I spent a sunny week in the village of Kardemena in Kos and on the sea front there are loads of empty resturants shops bars and even a few hotels totally empty and in often in ruins its very quite and only a few bars and resturants seemed to be busy the rest were dead
Shame cos i would imagine that years ago it was a really nice and pretty little quaint fishing town with lots going on now its just seems to be hanging in there
and the joys of the black market they dont want to take your credit card they want cash cash cash and i heard several excuses for not acceptig credit cards the funniest being that the rain had ruined the credit card machine and it was not working any more

I did wonder why my holiday Grecce was several hundreds of pounds cheaper than any other destination in the brochures now i know why
Greece used to be cheap and cheerfull but not anymore folks
Turkey and Egypt are my favorite places for last minute sunshine but couldnt get the flights on the day that i needed to leave but the best thing is that when you get to those places its very very cheap to do anything along with being reasonable to get there in the first place
but Greece was extortinate 5 euros for 30mins internet access ( in the hotel) 3euros for a small glass of coke which was out of the bloody 2 litre coke bottle as well
Thankfully i went all inclusive but im glad i did as i would have been living on water and expensives bread and butter for the week
Ironically the only thing that was cheap or rather free was sunbeds and parasols i mean this is the one thing that every place in the world tends to charge you and rip you off for the pleasure of lying on an uncomfortable streacher for a few hours but in Greece they were free
Oh and sunglass 5 euros for some rather nice fake D&G and Prada Sunglasses
and the men were very easy on the eye for us ladies macho and suntanned but nice to chat to with a strange sense of humour

So for anyone going to the greek island you have been warned definalty go all inclusive or you will be broke on the first day
It was very very hot , very very sunny and very very very expensive

God my feet are still hurting never again am i being a fashion victim its trainers and flips flops all the way now
Last weekend i did my first ever proper concert and went to see Rhiana and the Black Eyed Peas at the LG arena in Birmingham maybe i was being a bit ambitious to do two concerts in one weekend but i wasnt going to miss out on seeing two of my favourite artists
I love the black eyed peas and have been a fan for years (even before Fergie joined them) so when they set up there tour dates for the uk i was first in line to grab the tickets and then when Rhianna decided to play there the night before – i was in heaven ( Or rather hell cos my feet are killing me )

stupidly though in the name of glamour and vanity for the Rhianna concert i wore fashionable high heeled wedges and paid the price for it the next day Jumping around dancing and standing on my feet for the best part of six hours is not to be done in high heel shoes as i now realise so if you see me this week and im walking funny i havnt been doing strange things its just that my feet still ache

But sore feet aside , Rhianna was awsome Pixie Lot was on stage first singing all her songs and got the crowd going but then disaster struck as two of the other supporting groups did not arrive so the crowd was left waiting almost 90 mins before Rhianna got on stage – people even started to chant and boo imagine thousands of people shouting your name and booing you if i was Rhianna i would not have come on stage out of bloody fright but when she did she was totally amazing
She sang around 15 ++ Songs including my favorites ,rude boy shut up and drive sos hey
mr dj run this town of ours and finnished up with umbrella totally amazing set and the atmosphere was brilliant

But the Black Eyed Peas OMG – Cherly Cole was supporting them (minus Ashley of course) and i was surprised that she was really good and Birmingham unlike london got the bonus of WILL.I.AM joining Cherly on stage to do Heartbreaker total bonus and boo sucks to those in london who didnt get this bit of extra entertainment

But when the Peas came on the stage the crowd went wild i forgot my sore feet from the night before ( i was now wearing trainers but who cares) and amazingly i was right at the front leaning on the barriers about 4 foot away from the stage – all i can say is that they were brilliant brilliant brilliant & brilliant who cares if you have been standing for 3 horus waiting to them that your feet are dead that you cant get a drink and you cant go to the loo fuck it they were worth every bit of discomfort that night
They sang all there old songs from Where Is The Love Don’t Lie Lets Get It Started, Glamourpuss, Hey Mama ,Shut Up Meet me halfway and I got A Feeling Fergie did her solo for big girls dont cry which was amazing and she really can sing – they were on stage for almost two hours and it was the best two hours ever
If i can get tickets to see them next month again in birmingham i will cos i know its gonna be a good night even if my feet hurt

Well im stuck in ireland which is not a bad thing but i cant get home no flights out and no way am i even spending a minute at the airport like a lemon paying for overpriced macdonalds and starbucks coffee

So im going back to Cork on saturday and staying here for a few days untill the volcanoe has blown herself out and normality in the skies has returned
so i wont be going to cardiff or london this week as planned
but i love cork its such a pretty city so im looking forward to going back and having a good time
i will be back in Bristol on monday 26th april so if you would like to see me then please give me a call
kisses and blow jobs from ireland

love ParisB

I bought an iphone ages ago on contract . Then last year when on holiday it got soaked when i had it in my bag on the beach and a freak wave hit the sunlounger where i was sat and drenched not only my bag but everthing that was in it including my iphone ( why i took it to the beach i dont know -not like im going to get an important phone call when im sunbathing but there you go)
Sadly water and iphones do not mix – and i really mean they do not mix my friend dropped her iphone in a patch of snow recently and its fucked
I mean its totally crap really when you think about it – i have dropped a nokia in a glass of coke and managed to dry it out and it worked fine after a few days of intense drying it out and im sure most of us have done similar if not as stupid things with there phones and liquids and normally they can be repaired .
But an Iphones no way – slightest bit of water and they are so fucked – rendered totally useless and they have this nasty little sensor in the phone as well which turns red or pink if there has been any contact with water
If you try to lie and say that you did not get it wet or dropped it on snow or in a glass of coke the people at Apple will know you are lying…. Not that i would do that of course
Apple kndly offered me a replacement refurbished phone at the cost of 150 pounds. At the time i had more than six months left on my contract so though i better do this otherwise i wont have a phone but would still be paying for it
Unfortunatly these phones only come with a 3 month warranty and yes you guessed it my iphone has microphone has packed up So although i can hear people if they call me but they cant hear me – its really fucking annoying the only way it will work is for me to use a headset with a microphone or to use a earpiece which i hate and always bloody lose (earpieces get all tangled up in my hair and i cant bloody get them out) and to top it off just before this happend i requested my unlock code for for iphone and i just got it today and the phone is knackered .
luckily my contract is up though next week and i can cancle it Im not going to bother with another iphone as i just think that although they are pretty nifty they are to sensitve for someone as clumsy as me to keep so im just going to keep my iphone as an nice ipod that can take pictures with and maybe use it just for the net and some texting if i put a sim card in it …. see im still bloody addicted to it even though its broke …….