I read somewhere that Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
I went to a wedding last year where the matron of honour was the wife of the brides ex fiance – confused yeah i was just a plus 1 invite So it took me the wedding the reception and the following day to work that one out – the matron of honour was also pregnant Can you say: awkward or do some people have no tact I wasnt the only one confused by this I wonder if they have group sex of somthing ???
I have been invited or should i say forced to be a bridesmaid at my friends wedding (do not laugh) My normally sane and reasonable friend Abby is getting married this year and i have to be a bridesmaid actually she asked me to be matron of honour but i declined . No Fucking Way Dont the MOH have to fuck the best man – well i know who the best man is going to be and i may be a hooker but i have standards so no fucking way am I being matron of honor I will be a bridesmaid under duress but not matron of honour. So the matron of honour is going to Abbys sister in law to be Camilla
This is going to be the marriage /wedding from hell if the party that i went to recently is anything to go buy Abby is the sort of girl who wants /demands everthing perfect this is her big day and no one is going to spoil it even if it means upsetting everybody else she has planned this wedding for her entire life practicising with barbie and ken so she know exactly how its going to be.
First of all, lets just say that I’m not a fan of weddings. Just the thinking of planning a wedding and trying to work out if colour schemes match and placements and who to invite and not to invite gives me nightmares on the scale of Freddy Kruger my friend wants an elaborate wedding and reception think doves being released into the sky and ice sculptures and you will know what i mean and apparantly if i were to be matron of honour then i would have to arrange wedding showers (whatever that is) and hen nights ( ok i can manage a night out on the down getting drunk and wearing pink ladie jackets) I am convinced though having had my brains smashed over the past few weeks looking a bridal magazines and pretending to get excited over debates on if and all that crap, that if I ever do want to marry someone it will be in Vegas with Elvis as the preacher.
As for the receptions, most of the time it’s bad food, followed by bad music with a few drunk relatives thrown in for spice. and people that you havent seen for years and your paying for it. personally i think its a really really bad deal I have known my friends family for years, nice normal people Abbys mum is a born again Christian and try to convert everyone she meets, but apart from that they arent that bad to be around
Joshs family on the other hand …….well his dads a raging alcholic never seen without a can of special brew or two in his hand Joshs mum is a raging snob who divorced her husband years ago and brought Josh up on her own, so of course Josh is a really mummys boy and thats probably why he has only just left home now to live with Abby after 11 years of dating. But he still goes to his mums every Sunday for sunday dinner and he goes to mums each day on his way to work and i have it on very good authority ( Abby ) that his mum still makes his packed lunch for him to take to work. WTF
So with this lovey set up in mind they decide to have a pre wedding party so that everyone on both sides of the family can get to know each other ( you would think that after being together for 11 year that there families would already know each other but there you go As I said Josh’s dad is a raging alchoholic never seen without a can special brew or tennants extra in his hands, he is also that rare type of drunk really really funny and normally falls asleep somewhere and no one can find him
At the party he managed to corner Abbys mum and gran and was trying to place bets with them on how long the marriage would last, he kept on muttering that he would give it 3months but if you like i will give you 6months on an even spread bet. ( ok i admit i found this really funny and was going to take him up on his bet as i cynically quietly agree with him but thought the better of it) I mean 11 years most marriges dont last 11 years 111
And Josh’s mum, well all she could talk about was how she hoped that Abby took her advice on the guest lists and where to hold the reception and the flower arrangments . As my friend has been planning this wedding before she even met Josh i dont think that she will take kindly to interference of any sort . This is going to be the battle of the two women in Josh’s life wouldnt like to be him poor sod