Idiots come in all shapes & sizes



There is something about selling a car that brings out the assholes in life .

I recently sold my beloved car 
I had her for 10 years and she only really low mileage on the clock .
She ( yes it was a she, she was called Gloria ) really was in immaculate condition inside and out .

So it shouldn’t be that hard to sell a really nice immaculate car with low mileage , should it.
Well I sold it within 2 weeks which is apparently amazing for a private sale,
but fuck me the amount of idiots and stupid texts I got , I honestly thought I had put my work number on the advert by mistake .

Is it available
Will you take xxxx
Details of car
You around tomorrow for a test drive
Is that really the car in the picture

Substitute a few key words and it was like being at work . FFS

I took lots of good photos both inside & out . I even took a video to put on the advert .
I had it MOT & serviced and I even did a HPI check it myself so that I could ensure buyers that I had no finance or hadn’t been written off. I spent money on advertising it on the main car selling sites with a well written advert .

But It’s almost like people are bored on the weekends and think lets go and have a look at a car that I can’t afford but will get to drive .
Or you get the tyre kickers & boy racers that just want to drive a really fast car .


My favourite though was the American guy who came to view it .Took it for a test drive
( couldn’t drive for shit ) then said I need to think about it – it’s not a very masculine colour

I mean WTF the colour of the car is on the advert in the picture that I took . Was he fucking blind or just really thick .so if your worried about not being masculine why the fuck are you looking at my car . My actual words to him and not my thoughts .

A few days later he sent me a text . “Your in my top two”
“Yeah well call me back when I’m number 1 . I replied .
See what I mean – just like being at work


Then another text which he said would I take it to his friend to check it over .

“No I haven’t got fucking time to do that .but if his friend wants to come and look at it that’s fine “.

Then another text can he take it for another test drive .

So I relent and play nice and say sure

So after another test drive he says auto trader says it’s worth £4350
Ok deep breath and I’m seeing red now . The car was up for £5500 & I would accept £5000

So I smiled sweetly and said yes I know that I checked the price before I advertised it
But I think you will find that’s for one in good condition and average mileage

The average mileage is 10,000 -15000 a year and so my car should have 100,000 plus miles on it . My Car mirages is so low she should be a new born baby 
It’s also in showroom condition, not a single scratch chip or dent to be seen on the paintwork .It was full black leather interior and it was fully loaded with every extra it could have on it .
So no I won’t be selling it for that price but you can make me a offer .

He says ok rather sheepishly and leaves. I’ve heard the last of him I hope .

Nope . 3 days later I get a text while from him saying he really really likes the car but he is just not sure about the colour.

So I flip and say no problem but it’s not for sale any more

Idiot – but it’s still advertised

Me – yeah I know that .

Idiot – so I’m still interested

Me – well it’s is for sale but not to you anymore

Idiot – uhh what do you mean

Me Exactly what I just said . It’s still for sale but I’m not selling it to you

Idiot aw gee why not I really like , it your not being fair honey

Me – Seeing read now at the honey comment – Look selling & buying a car should be bloody easy . You want a garage service with multiple test drives and stuff go to a garage . You will pay more money but you will be able to annoy the fuck out of them .
Your the sort of guy that will come back after after you bought it moaning .

I can’t be assed and would rather leave the car on my driveway as a expensive flower pot than sell it to you . I don’t need the money . Plus I have a brand new car so I’m not in any rush to sell it .

Idiot – aw that’s a bit rough honey I’m in a strange country and I don’t want to get ripped off I really like your car , so it’s not for sale

Me . Then buy from a garage .You will pay more but you will have piece of mind

I’m sniggering to myself at the thought of a garage giving you piece of mind , but hey ho .

Me – But like I said I’m not selling it to you

He carried on sending me a few texts over the weekend saying if I changed my mind to let him no but at no point did he make me an offer . idiot


A few days later I had a another call .They asked if the car was still for sale . I said yes but I had someone coming from london the next day to look at it .
They replied look if the car is exactly like it is in the pictures I will come down tonight pay you £500 deposit and then collect it the next day

So they came and looked at it took it for a test drive paid the £500 deposit and collected it the next day for the full asking price .
That’s what I mean when I said selling a car should be bloody easy .








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