Bloody tree climbing goats

Well I’m off on holiday shortly to Morrocco
I have never been there before but I am spending a few days in Marrakesh then doing a weeks hiking holiday and then a few days in Agadir on the beach

I can’t wait , I was getting really excited about going until my friend asked me why was I going to the Atlas Mountains to hike when it’s full of Goats.

Now everyone probably has a phobia , you know something that your scared of like spiders or snakes or bees or flying or maybe your scared of the dark or thunder and lightning
None of that bothers me.
Put me with a few spiders and I’m fine same for most creepy creatures. I have no problems flying and not scared of the dark . And I’m not scared of snakes or anything slimy .

But my biggest totally irrational fear is Goats and then a close second would be cows .
I have no idea why but I am petrified about Goats and cows.

And guess what in the Atlas mountains where I’m buggering off to go hiking is full of bloody Goats and no ordinary goats but goats that actually climb trees .The fuckers so not only do I have to avoid them around me while I’m walking I have to make sure none of the fuckers fall on my head either

Have you ever seen or heard of a goat climbing trees . I haven’t and I seriously thinking my hiking holiday is not going to be as fun as I thought it would be
They climb up the Argan tree in search of the fruit which they love to eat

But being goats they eat the whole fruit including the nut which they can’t digest .

So the Argan nuts pass through the digestive system of the goat whole. Once they are pooh then out , local people gather them from the goat’s droppings and crack them open to expose the seeds inside.

And these Argan nuts contain anywhere from one to three oil-rich kernels. These kernels are then roasted, ground, mashed or cold-pressed to produce argan oil, one of the most highly sought after culinary and cosmetic liquids in the world.

So that lovely expensive Argan shampoo
Or face cream and oil had probably been poohed out a Goats bum
No wonder it’s so bloody expensive

bank Holiday weekend & holidays

Well as usual the bank holiday weekend in Bristol has been a total washout rain thunder and lightning. So pretty typical for a Bank holiday weekend . Fri & Saturday have been rubbish weather wise .
I had lots of things planned including a trip to the roof top pool at the Bath Spa which has all gone tits up now thanks to the crap weather
On Sunday morning I woke up to horrendous rain and thunder storms
But suddenly the sun has woken up and now on Sunday afternoon it’s bloody boiling and I’m in leggings and jumper and sweating like a bitch . Nothing like typical British weather now is there

But at least it wasn’t bad weather last weekend when it was the Royal Wedding .The weather was absolutely perfect for a wedding .

I have to admit I watched the royal wedding and had a tear or two in my eye while telling my friends it was the onions I had chopped up earlier
I thought it was lovely. For once it seemed like a real wedding with real people who were enjoying themselves and not a stuffy one full of rules and royal protocol .
I absolutely loved the preacher and watching the Royals face as he spoke was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.
They really did not know what to make of the guy .

It’s also that time of the year when i need a holiday .
I went to Mexico in February which was brilliant , lots of tequila and late nights out in the clubs in Cancun and three weeks of perfect sunshine .
I managed to avoid the snow in the U.K and enjoy the sunshine and I left just as spring break started and I was bloody glad that I left as it was starting to get a bit to crazy – even for me .

This time though I’m going somewhere totally different
This time I’m off to Morocco on a hiking holiday in the Atlas Mountains .
I’m spending 2 nights in Marrakesh then a weeks hiking in the mountains and then a 5 nights in Agadir on the beach and I can’t wait . I have to get the coach from Marrakesh to Agadir so that should be a interesting drive apparently they drive like lunatics
I have never been to Morocco let alone gone hiking so i will either love it or hate it .

But of course in true hooker fashion as I’m
flying from Gatwick I’m going to do work for two days before I fly . It will be my first time at Gatwick as I rarely venture past Heathrow . The thought of getting on the M25 that well known circle of hell scares the life out of me .

April Tours


As long as nothing gets in my way this is where I will be during the next month 

I’m liable to change my mind as often as I change my knickers though . So please call me to see If I’m in your area soon . 

Taunton & Bridgwater 8 -10th April

Bristol  11th April 

Solihull  12th -15th  Cheltenham 16th -17th April 

Bristol 18th April

Oxford 19th -23rd  Bristol 24-25th April 

Walsall 26th 29th Shrewsbury 30th April – 3rd May 

Bristol 4th May – 7th May 



New photos and selfies

Hope you like my lovely new photos in my gallery 

They  were taken in August 2017 by the lovely Alan Thomas of 

Ive added a few selfies as well from when I was on holiday in Miami recently so hope you like them as well 

My touring & whoring for Sept & Oct

So I’m back from my holiday and have lots of tours planned


Bristol 23rd -24th Oct

Walsall.  -26th – 29Oct

Bristol 28th Oct –  31st Oct 

Heathrow   2nd Nov – 6th Nov 

Bristol 7 – 8th Nov 

Solihul 9th -12th Nov 

chester 13th – 16th Nov 

shrewsbury 16th 19th Nov 

Bristol 20th – 23rd Nov 

Oxford  24th – 26th Nov 


Hurricane Irma

Big & Bad Hurricane Irma



I’m sure you have all heard of Irma by now, a hurricane the size of France powering her way through the Caribbean towards Florida destroying islands every few hours .

Initially the reports were sort of vague , I knew it was in the Caribbean and was heading towards the islands but it wasn’t really going to hit Florida ,even less so Miami . So the weekend for every one carried on as normal, clubs bars and plenty of sunshine and sunbathing on the beach .

However after the weekend the Governor of Florida and the Mayor of Miami started to issue warnings to everyone with regards to Irma . They didn’t know if Miami was going to be hit by Irma but they were warning people to start preparing just in case .

But at this point no one seemed to be really taking any real notice of the warnings .The bars and restaurants of Ocean Drive were still packed out Beach and SouthBeach and Lincoln Rd were still really busy with locals and tourist . I went on two trips and everything was pretty much normal in Miami

Tuesday morning though my hotel told all guest that they may need to leave on earlier than planned and they would keep us updated and we should listen out for any warnings .
At this point I wasn’t that bothered and many other people were the same but I rang my airline and enquired about getting a earlier flight out .
But because nothing was definite the earliest they could give me with no penalties was Sunday so I took this earlier flight just to be safe . However it was still lovely and sunny & warm and a hurricane was just about the furthest thing I was really thinking about .

However the next day they started to give out warnings about possible mandatory evacuations in zone A&B But again nothing was actually official . But I and many others was beginning to get worried . Hurricane Irma was causing a lot of damage in the Caribbean Islands .

The tiny island of Barbuda was practically ripped apart ,one news report stated that once there was an island called Barbuda but it’s gone now .The tiny island had almost vanished when Irma passed over it .
Antigua and the US & British Virgin Islands didn’t fare much better with wide spread devastating damage and several people had been killed .
So I rang my airline again and asked to get on a earlier flight and they managed to get me on a Friday flight But even at this point the airlines were still flying into Miami so I wasn’t overly bothered .
But people were turning up at my hotel and being told that they could stay for 1 night possibly 2 but they couldn’t guarantee any more nights than that .

At my hotel and all the other beach front hotels they were beginning initial preparations for the possibility of being hit by Irma. All the sun beds and beach huts were removed from the beach and the pool area
Doors were being shored up by sandbags and plywood was being placed over the doors
In my room the cleaners brought in the patio chairs and tables into the bedroom for safe keeping . It was like being in a very upmarket & posh war zone in the sunshine .

I went out on Wednesday night to Lincoln Rd to do some last minute shopping and that’s when I realised that even without an official evacuation order thousands & thousands of people had left Miami already .

Lincoln Rd Ocean Drive & Washington Ave were like a graveyard, only 2 days before I was getting annoyed at the amount of people you had to push pass to get anywhere .
Now it was like a something out of Walking Dead . Shops were getting boarded up table and chairs were being removed from the sidewalks anything that could be blown away was being taken indoors .
Clubs and bars that only a day or two before were packed with people having a good time were empty .


Thursday morning I woke up to another glorious sunshine day in Miami ,perfect sunbathing weather and not a cloud in the sky .
But I also woke up to a letter that had been slid under my door informing me that zone A&B were being evacuated and I needed to be out of my room by twelve midday today as the hotel was closing today
They also mentioned that Miami airport would most likely close on Friday which was when I was due to fly home .

Florida was now an official state of emergency . A mandatory evacuation were now in place for zones A&B
Everyone in these area mainly beach front hotels full of tourists were told they had to leave as soon as possible .
In a total panic I rang my airline . I was in tears on the phone , the man I was speaking to was adamant there was absolutely no way I was going to get a flight out today from Miami . I said I was willing to fly anywhere but my hotel was kicking me out and I had no where to go all the airport hotels were full up .

Now I don’t know how he did it, but after a nail biting 45 mins on the phone he managed to get me a seat on the Thursday evening flight out of Miami .
At this point in complete tears I told him that I loved him 100 percent and that he was the best guy I’d ever met in my life . At this point I would have done & said just about anything to get on that flight home .

I was pretty lucky to get out of Miami quickly as the airport closed on Friday and is possibly not re- opening till Tuesday .Miami airport was packed solid everyone was trying to get a flight out . The plane was totally full, not a single spare seat anywhere .

Since I arrived back on Friday in between sleeping and getting rid of jet lag I have been closely watching and reading everything about Hurricane Irma and it’s pretty terrifying .

The streets of Brickell where I did part of my big bus tour only two days earlier was flooded and cranes had toppled and snapped into buildings . Roofs had been ripped off buildings . Brickell Ave became a three foot river almost instantly

Indian Creek which was opposite my hotel overflowed onto Collins Ave . I took photos of it on the morning that I left and the water levels were pretty high even then.
Cuba in particular Havana has been very badly hit. In Havana I can remember that the buildings were very old and many were falling down a few years ago when I visited .So god only knows what Hurricane Irma managed to do to these buildings .

Miami airport Is still shut as I write this and Hurricane Irma is still causing death and destruction all over Florida & the Caribbean with Tornados, huge waves & floods causing power cuts everywhere and even though she’s been downgraded several notches she’s still a big threat to Florida & the Caribbean at present .

I’m gutted that my two week holiday was ruined but I’m glad to be home safe and sound and I feel for all those people who have lost friends family’s and their homes in the last week .
Next time I will avoid the bloody hurricane season or fuck it I might just go to Weston Super Mare, at least there the worse thing that can happen is that I’ll get chased by a crazy beach donkey .

Welcome To Miami …


Welcome To Miami as Will Smith rapped

Party in the city where the heat is on
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn ”

After visiting San Diego & LA earlier this year I really wanted to go back the USA and decided that Miami would be a perfect place to visit . Fantastic beaches lots of places to visit like Key West and the Everglades and the possibility of a day trip to the Bahamas.
Miami and it’s famous South Beach & Ocean Rd has been immortalised in loads of films and music videos It’s the perfect locations for a beach & City holiday . I was a big fan of Dexter 😄 so felt that I knew Miami in a stupid way .and some of my favourite films have been filmed in Miami such as Bad Boys 1 & 2 The Bodyguard , Casino Royal. Miami Vice. ScarFace & Wild Things and of course CSI Miami .

I did sort of wonder why the flights were dirt cheap and that I got such an amazing deal for two weeks in Miami but it was to good an offer to refuse .
I was staying a a fabulous beach front hotel only a few minutes walk from South Beach & the famous Ocean Drive
The weather was perfect (😂) mid thirties every day ,all day . The beach was perfect and the sea was lovely & warm & very calm .

I always do a big bus tour whenever I visit somewhere as it means I can get out and see all the main attractions with ease . I took the bus tour that took me all along Collins Ave and over to Bayside Market & Bicknell and also saw Little Havana and Coconut Grove . I went shopping at Aventura Mall which is a shoppers paradise .
I did the Thriller Boat Ride which was fast wet & furious and took you all over the bay and along South Beach Indian Creek, Fisher Island & Star Island where you managed to get a view of the 100 million dollar home owned by the Dr that created Viagra .Along with other beautiful mansions owned by famous stars like Sylvester Stallone Will Smith & Julia Roberts .
I went clubbing on Washington Rd to Twist, Story & Dreams and had dinner at the famous Mangos on Ocean Drive where I watched some amazing Latin dancers .

I cried & laughed in horror at the $12 for a Corona & $25 for a cocktail . I was never going to to get drunk at these prices .
I managed to get some shopping done on Lincoln Rd where you had numerous shops bars and restaurants to choose from every night .
Everything was going great . I was planning my day trip to the Everglades and Key West and & was hoping to get the opportunity to do a day trip to the Bahamas but then a little problem hit.

Well actually it was quite a big problem, one by the name of Irma

Bates Motel in sunny Wolverhampton

Recently I spent a few days in Wolverhampton .
It was the week when we had our British Summer of tropical weather with temperature reaching the mid thirties by midday .
And I had to pick the only hotel that had no bloody air con .

It was also a bigger version of the Bates Motel from the film Pyscho but that’s another story for another day
The particular hotel is a cross between Bates Motel and your dear old grans house with the decor to match. Sort of shabby chic but way more shabby than chic .

I’m not going to name the hotel but anyone who lives in Wolverhampton or has worked in Wolverhampton will know the hotel that I mean . It’s notoriety is well known . I didn’t even have to say the name but just mention the pub and every client knew where I was staying .

The hotels saving grace was that it was a fabulous location in Wolverhampton with a great pub opposite and the town centre a five minute walk away & cheap parking and it had that rarity in a hotel – windows that actually open properly .
Although that might be so that you can throw yourself out to kill yourself if necessary .

And I only paid £160 for 4 nights so I can’t really grumble at that price .


This particular chain of hotels all have fabulous first class locations in the UK . Nearly always right in the city centre with everything you need within walking distance .

But it seems like the owners do nothing to update the hotels and spend the bare minimum on the hotels which is a shame as they could be amazing hotels with a little bit of thought and care – ok a lot of thought and care and a ton of paint




San Diego Hollywood Valet Parking & Food

Ive recently had an amazing trip to America
First I spent some time in Tijuana Mexico visiting friends who live there before heading over the border to San Diego for a week before catching the Amtrack train to LA & Hollywood for a Week.
My flight was long a flight from London to Mexico City thrn a flight from Mexico City to Tijuana

Tijuana or TJ as it’s known is one of the busiest land border crossings in the world .
I saw the famous fence that’s stretches out into the sea and runs for over 2000 miles separating America from Mexico .
Good luck with Trump trying to build that wall that’s he wants . It’s going to be a tough one to build .
It’s fun though to walk across the border both ways and doesn’t take that long, maybe 30-45 mins . Thousands of people do it every single day .

And once your in San Diego you can walk to the huge Shopping plaza that has everything at 50 percent off or you can visit the last McDonald’s in America right on the border with TJ or like me you can get the trolly /tram that goes right from the border to down town San Diegio

I swear American border control officers do a course in how to be grade 1 miserable fuckers They never ever smile .


San Diego though is gorgeous city . I visited last summer and really enjoyed myself so wanted to visit again but spend more time on the beach
So this time I spent most of my time relaxing at Mission beach sunbathing and managed to get up to La Jolla where the crazy sea lions live and have practically taken over parts of the beach in La Jolla .

Hollywood on the other hand is totally different place to San Diego, sleazy dirty and crazy & lots of fun all in one go.
I stayed at the Loews Hotel which is probably one of the best hotels in Hollywood if you want to be on the walk of fame and right where the action is which I did .

It’s connected to the Chinese Theatre & the Dolby Cinema where the Oscars are held so it’s the perfect location to star spot and have some fun .

I wasn’t driving and used public transport and it was pretty easy to get around here in LA everyone seems to drive like they just need to be somewhere yesterday and that they got a fucking horn as a Christmas present and just realised it and need to use it constantly .

Not to mention the constant revving of the Engines. Yes we know is a Ferrari, Bentley Porsche ( insert whatever high end car you like ) but you are not Vin Diesel and your not fucking drag racing .. They drive like cunts probably mainly because unlike the UK there are very few traffic cameras on the Streets so it’s pretty much a free for all in terms of driving as fast & as mad as you can in the side streets. Unlike the UK where you can’t fart without CCTV noticing in I noticed that the streets in San Diegio & Hollywood have no real traffic cameras to keep the crazy drivers in line .

I swear it’s one of the worse places I have been for crazy car drivers beating the UAE & Malta for the madness of the drivers hands down.
I also managed to spend some time in Santa Monica, Venice Beach & Marina Del Ray all of which are gorgeous places to visit when the sun is out . The Santa Monica Pier is lovely with the old fashioned Ferris Wheel that you can see for miles and the beaches are to die for ,they go on forever and you can even see the Malibu cliffs from the pier

Another one of my favourite places was Farmers market and the attached shopping area is gorgeous .Yet again loads and loads of places to satisfy your taste buds but I wasn’t interested in the food . I spent loads of time here shopping for stuff I can’t get in the UK .

I also spent the afternoon in Beverly Hills strolling along Rodeo Drive .
I didn’t buy anything ( way to expensive ) but I got a scrumptious piece of chocolate caramel mouse cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory . We need to have the Cheesecake Factory in the UK they are awesome .

They must have about 30 different types of cheesecakes to choose from you are literally spoilt for choice from these scrummy cheesecakes & they are bloody huge portions as well .


One thing i realised is that there is a complete obsession with food in the USA .
I can totally understand how they have a major obesity problem . You can not walk 5 steps without being surround by food of all sorts .

On my train journey from San Diego to LA . A train ride that took 3 hours ,2 lady’s were sat opposite me and for 3hrs all they spoke about was food .

Seriously 3hrs non stop talking about food , dinning , drinking , bars , recommendations for not only San Diego but also New York & Toronto.
I was starving hungry from listening to them But I do know where all the great restaurants and bars are .

Also what I discovered is that in America you can’t walk or drive anywhere without finding a drive thru restaurant or some kind of food establishment . It’s like the country has been taken over by food . Not Aliens or Donald Trump but bloody food .

There are shopping complexes similar to our British out of town retail parks that are dedicated just to food .Nothing else just food .
Imagine the Mall in Bristol but instead of PC World & B&Q it’s IHOP Jacks & Burger King ,The Cheesecake Factory and a shit load more food outlets .

And Valet parking WTF is that all about
Are people that lazy they can’t park there car . I mean there are plenty of things in the world that are pretty useful to have like the internet & wastapp but Valet Parking .
Paying someone to park your car is just totally crazy . Why I just don’t get it why not park it yourself . One lady I met said that she won’t even visit anywhere that won’t offer Valet Parking .
But despite all these slightly strange things I had a brilliant time



Idiots come in all shapes & sizes



There is something about selling a car that brings out the assholes in life .

I recently sold my beloved car 
I had her for 10 years and she only really low mileage on the clock .
She ( yes it was a she, she was called Gloria ) really was in immaculate condition inside and out .

So it shouldn’t be that hard to sell a really nice immaculate car with low mileage , should it.
Well I sold it within 2 weeks which is apparently amazing for a private sale,
but fuck me the amount of idiots and stupid texts I got , I honestly thought I had put my work number on the advert by mistake .

Is it available
Will you take xxxx
Details of car
You around tomorrow for a test drive
Is that really the car in the picture

Substitute a few key words and it was like being at work . FFS

I took lots of good photos both inside & out . I even took a video to put on the advert .
I had it MOT & serviced and I even did a HPI check it myself so that I could ensure buyers that I had no finance or hadn’t been written off. I spent money on advertising it on the main car selling sites with a well written advert .

But It’s almost like people are bored on the weekends and think lets go and have a look at a car that I can’t afford but will get to drive .
Or you get the tyre kickers & boy racers that just want to drive a really fast car .


My favourite though was the American guy who came to view it .Took it for a test drive
( couldn’t drive for shit ) then said I need to think about it – it’s not a very masculine colour

I mean WTF the colour of the car is on the advert in the picture that I took . Was he fucking blind or just really thick .so if your worried about not being masculine why the fuck are you looking at my car . My actual words to him and not my thoughts .

A few days later he sent me a text . “Your in my top two”
“Yeah well call me back when I’m number 1 . I replied .
See what I mean – just like being at work


Then another text which he said would I take it to his friend to check it over .

“No I haven’t got fucking time to do that .but if his friend wants to come and look at it that’s fine “.

Then another text can he take it for another test drive .

So I relent and play nice and say sure

So after another test drive he says auto trader says it’s worth £4350
Ok deep breath and I’m seeing red now . The car was up for £5500 & I would accept £5000

So I smiled sweetly and said yes I know that I checked the price before I advertised it
But I think you will find that’s for one in good condition and average mileage

The average mileage is 10,000 -15000 a year and so my car should have 100,000 plus miles on it . My Car mirages is so low she should be a new born baby 
It’s also in showroom condition, not a single scratch chip or dent to be seen on the paintwork .It was full black leather interior and it was fully loaded with every extra it could have on it .
So no I won’t be selling it for that price but you can make me a offer .

He says ok rather sheepishly and leaves. I’ve heard the last of him I hope .

Nope . 3 days later I get a text while from him saying he really really likes the car but he is just not sure about the colour.

So I flip and say no problem but it’s not for sale any more

Idiot – but it’s still advertised

Me – yeah I know that .

Idiot – so I’m still interested

Me – well it’s is for sale but not to you anymore

Idiot – uhh what do you mean

Me Exactly what I just said . It’s still for sale but I’m not selling it to you

Idiot aw gee why not I really like , it your not being fair honey

Me – Seeing read now at the honey comment – Look selling & buying a car should be bloody easy . You want a garage service with multiple test drives and stuff go to a garage . You will pay more money but you will be able to annoy the fuck out of them .
Your the sort of guy that will come back after after you bought it moaning .

I can’t be assed and would rather leave the car on my driveway as a expensive flower pot than sell it to you . I don’t need the money . Plus I have a brand new car so I’m not in any rush to sell it .

Idiot – aw that’s a bit rough honey I’m in a strange country and I don’t want to get ripped off I really like your car , so it’s not for sale

Me . Then buy from a garage .You will pay more but you will have piece of mind

I’m sniggering to myself at the thought of a garage giving you piece of mind , but hey ho .

Me – But like I said I’m not selling it to you

He carried on sending me a few texts over the weekend saying if I changed my mind to let him no but at no point did he make me an offer . idiot


A few days later I had a another call .They asked if the car was still for sale . I said yes but I had someone coming from london the next day to look at it .
They replied look if the car is exactly like it is in the pictures I will come down tonight pay you £500 deposit and then collect it the next day

So they came and looked at it took it for a test drive paid the £500 deposit and collected it the next day for the full asking price .
That’s what I mean when I said selling a car should be bloody easy .








Paris In Paris


After 3 mad days in Disney going on ride after ride walking from park to park and being on the go all day long ,we really needed a chill out day and thought that a day out in Paris would be in order .
So we got the train from Euro Disney to Paris getting off at the Trocadero and stupidly asking where the Eiffel Tower was ( like its not bloody big enough to spot ) .

But If you can call a chill out day walking , yes walking up the bloody Eiffel Tower then that’s what we did to relax lol
We could have taken the lifts but there was a queue and after spending time queuing in Euro Disney the last thing I wanted to do was bloody queue again .
So we walked up the steps right up to the first floor where incredibly there is a ice skating rink.
and then up to the second floor where we got some amazing & very beautiful views of Paris before taking the lift to the very very top floor to look at Paris from the very top of tower

I don’t even like driving across the Clifton Suspension Bridge so being right at the top is quite queasy looking all the way down with just a bit of metal in front of you is a little bit scary

Walking back down was a lot more fun than walking up though and I got back down to the bottom in record time .

Not as bad as I thought it would be

Ive recently spent a week at Euro Disney .Theme parks are just not my thing. Ive only been to Alton Towers twice in my life and that was enough

The nearest I get to a theme park would be the Pier at Weston Super Mare

I sort of got suckered into going but decided if I had to spend a week of hell with screaming kids stressed parents , and cheesy disney characters then I would do it properly and stay at the Disney Land Hotel
Mainly because it’s right next to the parks and should I get the urge to want to kill someone in fact anyone including Micky Mouse or Donald Duck I could retreat to the hotel to chill out Queuing for 2 hours to ride Indiana Jones or the Tower of Terror can do strange things to a persons mind .

But the hotel was fabulous it really is something special and staying at the hotel we ate every night in Inventions restaurants where all the disney characters hang out . So my dinner consisted of Pluto Micky Minnie Tigger Goofy and numerous other Disney Characters. Fun on the first & second night but driving me insane on my last night .

The hotel even smells wonderful and when enquiring about the smell I was told I could buy the Disneyland Smell as a air freshener for only 60 euros ? Disney has cornered every market to sell to people possible including the smell of the hotel

I decided that I would release the inner child in me for most of the time and go with the flow .

Ive always thought it was ridiculous that people had told me that you must book your meals in advance and be very organised .Why I thought to myself it’s a holiday why do you need to be organised but I can totally understand why .

it was like a well planned operation. I was lucky enough to get a brilliant deal which included 2 character meals a day if required so I thought I might as well take advantage of it and booked the meals in advance for every day that I was there .This meant that we had 12 bloody character meals
I was glad that I did book in advance as lots of people couldn’t get reservations and were being told that the nearest reservations in the character restaurants were 5 days away .

So the days went something like this
Breakfast at 7am
In the parks by 8am to take advantage of the early morning magic hours and get on the rides without queuing .
10 am it was over the the Disney Studios which I personally preferred and start the first fast pass of the day and doing single rider access to ensure that we all got on our favourite rides
Queues were way to long for me 90 mins was average for Crushers Coaster and Tower of Terror both of which I loved
And queuing an hour to go on a ride that last 45 seconds is not something I like to do .
Lunch with either the princess’s at their Castle or at cafe Mickey every day
Then back in the parks to get on more rides and do more mad stuff before watching the fireworks at 8pm & dinner at 9pm with the Disney characters and in bed by 11.30 to get ready for another day .

I need a holiday to get over this holiday ,

A week of self inflicted hell .




If you hear of a woman shooting a mouse or a duck or even a princess or two in Paris in Feb that will be me.

I don’t know how but I have been roped into taking my nieces & nephew to Euro Disney .
And not only for 1 or 2 days but 6 bloody whole days . 6 days and nights of self imposed hell .

How the fuck am I going to survive dinner with Micky & Minnie every night let alone breakfast with the fuckers. Im going to flip . I can’t remember the last time I watched a disney film.

Plus I checked the temperature and last year in Feb it’s was freezing with the possibility of snow .so I will need thermals, my ugg boots a warm jacket and a hat & gloves

We are staying at the Disneyland hotel ( that was the deal as far as I was concerned )
if I have to subject myself to bloody fake smiles disney happiness and loads of bratty kids as its half term then I want a bit a of luxury no scrap that I want a lot of luxury & a pool and a spa . So the pink cup cake palace it is .m

By all accounts on Trip Advisor it’s a lovely hotel although the swimming pool is apparently cold ?
But it’s close enough to the park that you can nip back when you feel the urge to kill a mouse or a princess so that will suit me just fine

My other part of the deal was at least one afternoon into Paris to climb the Eiffel Tower and do the Paris Dungeons which are apparently amazing . And to find the main Longchamp shop so that I can add a few more bags to my collection of bags .

So I am going to try and behave myself and not kill Micky Mouse & the gang but I can’t promise

Is anyone else this clumsy and stupid

So has anyone else been this bloody stupid or unlucky 

Just before Christmas on Christmas Eve I was sat in my flat multitasking ie giving blowjobs and wrapping up Christmas presents .
I had a bottle of water on the side that i hit over so I thought i better move my phones so that I don’t get water on them .
So I put them on the floor while thinking to myself I better not stand on my phones . As I was thinking this to myself what did I do but fucking stand on not 1 but 2 bloody iPhones .
Crushed them to pieces totally fucked up beyond recognition.
Cue a rush to my local phone repair shop to get them repaired on Christmas Eve
Unfortunately the iPhone five was unrepairable do I had to buy a new one and my iPhone 6s needed a new screen .So several hundred pounds later Im back in business .

So today Im sat down watching of all things on net flix Dirty Bloody Harry and I ceremoniously manage to drop my replaced iPhone 5 into my glass of Orange juice .

I thought OJ was good for you but its certainly not the case for me
At the moment it’s still working but im wondering how long it will take to stop working ( fingers crossed )

2016 -2017 & The Death Of A Music Icon


It’s 2017 and 2016 been a year I won’t forget .

I took my first trip to America to the gorgeous San Diego & LA earlier this year. It was when Brexit happened and the Americans kept asking if I was going to be able to get back in to the UK . Bless them . America was lovely so much nicer than I thought it would be . I saw the wild sea lions in LA Jolla and went to Sea World and San Diego Zoo and had a brilliant time in LA as well . I enjoyed it so much I’m going back in March for another holiday

But there has also been lots of sadness with so many famous & talented people dying in 2016 . Sort of a pry of my youth and background of my growing up . 
David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds & Muhammad Ali & on Christmas day George Michael to name but a few of the talented people that’s have passed away in 2016 . 

For myself personally though the death of George Michael was one that really shocked & upset me a lot .
Growing up George Michael & Wham & his solo songs were a huge part of my life .

I was a massive fan of Wham but when he went solo I think that was the time that I really began to like any sort of music . I went to several of his concerts over the years with friends and he was totally amazing as a performer . I’ve seen many artist since but George Michale remains the very best . Many car journeys with friends and family have been eased by singing along  to his classics like wake me up and club tropicanna 

Like many people his many songs like Careless Whisper , Different Corner, Jesus to a Child Faith , Freedom & many many others have been the background music for many significant points in my life .The  background to the 80s & 90s for many of his fans myself 

Last Christmas was always always played at Christmas in my house without fail every year. along with Everything She Wants & Careless Whisper which was the ultimate smooch song. Club Tropicana Wham Rap  & Freedom was the background music for cheesy girls nights outs .

It’s been the only time in my life that someone famous who I really liked & admired and was a big part of my youth and growing up has died and I will admit to crying over his death on Christmas Day when I heard about it.

He was one of those people that never took himself to seriously and always managed to turn a negative situation into something positive from being caught in a toilet in LA and making a hit song out of it, to going to prison in the UK and having the prisoners singing his hit songs everyday to him .

But he took it all in his stride and never really complained . He was immensely private but also hugely famous and the two don’t really go together I suppose.  

Being gay and not being able to admit this and a heartthrob to millions of women couldn’t of been easy in the 80s either . But it didn’t stop his millions of fans still loving his music and admiring him when he finally admitted he was gay .
No one cared really . As a fan like many others , I was happy that he could finally be happy with himself and no longer live a lie.  I absolutely adored his music from the very beginning . And I along with many others cried at his death on Christmas Day . 

RIP George Michael . You were a true gentleman and a true star and gave so many people much happiness through your music ,your beautiful voice and your many unheard of charitable deeds. You were loved  admired by so many people  and your soul will live on in our memories of you and your beautiful music .

Balloons and traffic jams



Its that time of the year that I love image .

Summer time, and what a strange summer it’s been .
It’s been gorgeous & sunny some days and pissing it down with rain the next .

I took advantage of staying at home when the weather was really hot and visting some local tourist attractions.
I went to Wookey Hole, Bristol Zoo & Cheddar Gorge . I also spent a few days at Weston Super Mare and Portishead & Clevedon for the local pubs . The new Weatherspoons in W-S-M is really nice with the biggest beer garden I have ever seen and it’s right on the Sea Front as well , defiantly a place to spend a sunny afternoon

It’s funny when you live in a city you rarely do all the tourist stuff so it’s been nice
I had several tours planned for this month but decided to scrap them all and work from my apartment in Bristol instead.

This weekend though I am going to Birmingham. I was going to stay in Bristol but the Ballon Festival starts this weekend which means traffic in Bristol is going to be a bitch
And as my flat is right in the centre of Bristol, getting there for anyone is going to be bloody hard so ive decided to spend the weekend away in Birmingham instead.

Im hoping that the sunny and clear weather holds out for the rest of the week for the Ballon festival . Fingers crossed
I do love the Ballon Festival though although my dogs don’t , they see the Ballons which normally go right over my house and start freaking out, in fact all the local dogs do the same , I guess they don’t like Balloons.

The only thing I hate about the Ballon Festival is the traffic , Bristol literally comes to a complete standstill from Thursday afternoon till Sunday evening .

If you happen to be driving on one of the main roads in South Bristol forget it , it’s walking or being prepared to spend hours in the car to go 1 mile .

If you live in the South Bristol area then you have learned over the years to park your car up on Wednesday night and don’t move it till Monday morning otherwise you will never get a parking space near your house . In fact you probably won’t even be able to get to your house . People park like cunts across your driveway , even on your driveway . And will have the nerve to get pissed of at you if you ask them to move from your driveway .
And If you live near the football ground in Ashton , just don’t leave your house , in previous years its normally the first match of the season for Bristol City along with the Ballon festival as well . If it’s anything like previous years when this happened,  just forget that you even have a car for this weekend .

There is upwards of  100,000 people all trying to get to the same location along the same bloody roads which means South Bristol is just one big car park this weekend .






A day trip to LA



Hollywood Walk of Fame

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Now this really was a crazy spur of the moment kind of day .

Saturday after several days in Tijuana catching up with friends .I decided that I would go back to San Diego for my last day and do some last minute shopping and and take the train to ocean beach
So at 5am I checked the border crossing times 15 mins was the official time so I figured more like 30-45 mins so I grabbed a taxi to the border and over I went and got on the tram to San Diego and then booked a return ticket to Ocean beach

However I realised that the train was going straight to LA and as it was my last day I thought fuck it and decided to buy another ticket and go all the way to LA

When I arrived at Union Station everything a bit surreal because it seemed familiar from all the films.

Sadly I only had a few hours here and wanted to make the most of it .I decided to go to Hollywood & Vine and do the Hollywood walk of fame. But when I arrived I was accosted by the usual ticket touts who sold me a really entertaining 3 hour open top truck tour around all the major sites of Hollywood
The guide was brilliant very knowledgable and funny quizzing us on our knowledge on Hollywood .
So what did i get to see . I saw the famous Hollywood sign we drove past Gwen Stefani’s estate along with the house the Michael Jackson was renting when he died .
Footballer Vinny Jones and Quentin Tarantino’s home was also on the list of amazing houses that I had a peek at

When we were asked what did we think of everything I piped up “Poor” .

I also saw the shop on Rodeo Drive where one of my favourite actresses  Julia Robert famously tells the sales assistant ‘Big Mistake’ for refusing to serve her the previous day because she wasn’t posh enough , along with the Viper Lounge where River Phoenix died

It really was an entertaining few hours and I was able to see all the main points of Hollywood . It’s somewhere that i will definitely return to , maybe next year and do it all properly and not in such a rush .



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Killer whales & battleships

Today I went to SeaWorld @San Diego and had a great time I went on a few rides forgetting that I had my fit flops on so had to bloody hold them in my hands otherwise they were going to have a trip all of their own

I watched the Dolphin Show and had lunch @Shamus patio while the killers whales entertained everyone .

a 9500lbs killer whale



The next day was a lazy day I spent the morning shopping and wandering around all the shops at Seaport Village which is absolutely lovely and right at the back of my hotel Seaport Village is is village of shops all designed by Disney so very quaint and cute  and restaurants and cafes all along the San Diego waterfront

This afternoon I spent a pleasant few hours at the SS Midway in San Diego . The SS Midway was an aircraft carrier of the USA and it was comissioned a week after the Second World War

It  was the largest ship in the world until 1955 .Operating for 47 years it became a museum ship in San Diego harbour ( can you tell I did the tour and I listened )








Jet lag is a bitch

Sunday afternoon was spent at the Altitude lounge on top of the Marriott hotel in the
Gaslamp . It’s has an amazing view of down down San Diego and Petco Park where the baseballs games are held and the Mojitos are pretty tasty as well .

Jet lag though has been a bitch with a 8 hour time difference I have been falling asleep at 4pm after a day out and setting my alarm clock for 8pm so that I can go out in the evening and sleeping right through till 2am
Tonight though I’m going to drink loads of red bull , Im determined to shake off this bloody jet lag so that I can get out at night

First time to the USA


I haven’t blogged for several months bad back and a severe case of ongoing sciatica has in many ways restricted my work a fair amount but I have manged to finally come the other side of it and feel  a lot better

So im very sorry that I wasn’t available in Bristol the past few weeks for those of you that asked to pay me a visit  that asked I should have been at home all this week and next week in Bristol .
However I got the opportunity to go to San Diego & Mexico for a few weeks and as the States is the one place I have never ever been to,I thought it was to good of an offer to turn down .
I was very lucky to stay at the fabulous Manchester Grand Hyatt hotel which is an amazing luxury waterfront hotel right on the marina and next to Seaport Village . I had  an amazing view from my room as the hotel is over 40 floors high .
The weather is perfect hitting over 80 degrees every day so far and I have been having a ball .

Ive done all the really naff tourist stuff including the hop on , hop off trolly tours for Coronado Island and Old town SanDiego which I really enjoyed
The drivers are really knowledgable and know loads of interesting local stories which is fun.


Gorgeous view of down town San Diego from my bedroom

I also did the Sea lion Trolly which is is a trolly bus that actually a amphibian boat so we were taken all along the San Diego coast line to Point Loma & the naval base where there are a bunch of crazy noisy California Sea Lions sunbathing on the bait traps and having fun

A wild California Sea Lion Enjoying the sunshine


But one of the highlights was going to La Jolla known as the Jewel in San Diego where they have hundreds of wild California Sea lions just sunbathing and swimming on the beach .

These crazy creatures are not scared of humans and you can get within inches of them for some brilliant photos

I spent a day at Mission Beach where I hired a push bike and rode it all along the boardwalk to Pacific Beach I didn’t fall off but I haven’t rode a bike for years so it waste really fun to do .